My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize