He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
