Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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