She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
