i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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