Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
