so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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