i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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