I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
