Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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