If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
