OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
