I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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