You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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