i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
