This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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