Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
