Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
