cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
