you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize