Someone shit on the floor
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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