he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
