do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
