i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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