I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
