fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
