Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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