I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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