We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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