Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
