My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're a waste of cheezeits
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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