Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
