and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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