Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
