Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
