I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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