I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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