new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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