I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
