he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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