I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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