i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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