just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
