Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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