i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
