First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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