dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
