Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
