Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just threw up on my dentist
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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