Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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