peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
