I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
