Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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