Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
