dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
