Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
