Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
