I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
