He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
