yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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