I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think i got beer on your cat.
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