every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
