if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
