You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
