I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
