she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize