I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
