your parents love me but you hate me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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