he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
