wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Congratulations! We have a period
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
