you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
