i think my tv is drunk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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