I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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