Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
