i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All the doctor said was why
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize