i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
