My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
