i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize