I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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