so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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