Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
