i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
