Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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