I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
