I am puke
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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