I think my vagina is haunted
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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