Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
