if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
