i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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