I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
