The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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