There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
