WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
