I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize