love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Welp...herpes.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
