Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
