It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my shit smells like andre
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
