I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
