If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
