that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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