There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
