Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
