Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
bring money and cleavage
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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