you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
