I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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