i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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