Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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