Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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