shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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