just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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