A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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