everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize