you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize