ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
