Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
