I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
