So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
