Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
