I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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