They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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