I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
