Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
