You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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