shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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