Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
