I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize