Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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