Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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