Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
