I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
