i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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