New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Too much gin, very little bucket
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
