you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize