Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
high people should be assigned attendants
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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