I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
